It seems like a good portion of life is learning to bring this moment into consciousness. I say this because you can look at things that normally seem random but with a bit more tact and wisdom find that they are in fact beautifully structured. When I am most awake I find the answers to my hardest questions wandering about in life like a House episode, but even more bizarrely. The smallest line in a TV series, the way bubbles rise to the surface in a pot of heated water, these actions become illuminating when I have the energy and focus to look at them the right way. Perhaps a self-manifestation of reality, it's like solving a math problem except the formula changes each time.
I find myself craving a better memory of such events. I end up trying to keep the thought in my head long enough to write it down and then develop some massive organized system of recorded enlightenments so that I don't have to go through the same things again, or at least I get through them quicker or enjoy them. Sometimes to learn something in my memory seems ephemeral, because I know I am going to die eventually so it will be lost anyways. I think this is how I get unmotivated to learn these enlightenments in my physical memory. It seems instead I must go through them again and again until they change the very fabric of my being, until my spirit grows and learns. This way it will be ingrained in me for eternity.
For whatever reason, some days you just know when to go where, and when you don't listen to your spirit on those days you wind up kicking yourself, and infinitely curious as to what great time that you could have had. Today was like that; I almost figured it out before it was too late but I think I started off bad by not getting up until 3, lol. The balance in my life is finally returning though, so this is excellent. My excitement for the next day is returning, and my love as well. Soon enough my energy will be too awake for even me to ignore, and the days will be like creamed honey and the nights like thick coffee. Right now I just need to slow down and take it one third step at a time.
