This may sound ridiculous, but it's true, and I have compelling evidence to back it up.
I've never been comfortable being physical with someone on a first date, or having a one-night stand at a party; I'm just not that guy. It sounds fucking wonderful, but I've tried it; it doesn't work. Even on the second date I feel like I'm still sparking that initial heat that makes for good sex, anything physical before this feels awkward and forced. Now, on the surface, I know this sounds like a good thing, or the type of person most guys should be, but let me tell you something; it sucks, and it's dangerous. It's dangerous being realistically careful with your physical body. Why?
It's a psychological nightmare. Not because I shouldn't be shy, or because I have some debilitating insecurity, on the contrary; I'm actually kind of proud to want to take it slow. The reason it's dangerous is because it almost guarantees that I never get intimately involved with someone. Allow me to explain.
You go out, you have a good time with someone, you get their number, or they volunteer thier information; both of these oddly have had the exact same outcome in the long run. You call the next day, maybe text, and get a lackluster response. There is a chance you go out again for coffee. You don't make a strong move, because it's coffee and you want to get to know them. You like them, your interest grows and you get excited about a potential, actually significant other, then what? It's over, because you didn't immediately get physical. Don't believe me? Think about it, think about how it really works. It's been two dates and he/she hasn't made a strong move, and you rationalize all the small things that aren't exactly what you want. Meanwhile, some other person has already started being physical with you.
Now I happily admit that there are multiple times not making a strong sexual move on the first or second date has saved me from a horrible hook, a life-altering STD , a bad potential relationship or self esteem de-throning, but equally as many times this has prevented me from having a chance with an amazing person. By the second date, some quick acting guy (or girl, this has happened too) steps in and it's all over.
The first few times this was fine, I justified it: they were meant to be together, I wasn't ready, I didn't 'know myself,' but in reality this was horseshit. It was a lie to make me feel better about people. Most women don't want to wait for the hand-holding guy, just like most me don't want to wait for the hand holding girl - most people don't want to wait. In fact, most people romanticize immediate physical interaction in order to play out sexual fantasies. I'm actually okay with this, but I'm not okay with people who pretend this isn't true because it doesn't live up to their ideals, or who they think they want to be; who their religion or parents say they should be. Spare me.
If this doesn't seem accurate, allow me to expound on the experiences where I have gone out with someone, made early, uncomfortable physical moves and we hook up almost immediately. I assure you, I am texted, messaged on FB, and called the next day-every single time. It's a complete reversal from the expectations I've created based on what I've been told about men and women, and how we actually operate in the real world. We are very similar, but attempt to take pride in our perceived difference. The sexes love hating each other, but in reality it's a lot less dramatic than that, and I would argue, much more interesting. What we are told in most love stories, yes, even the indy ones, is laughable. Nobody seems to have captured what we are in our current form. Too many writers are interested in promoting their ideological view of how women and men operate, but the great gender bender is coming, and the bullshit can't fool us all anymore. Men are stupid, women are evil, we're cats and they're dogs, Women are from Mars, Men are from Venus: bullshit, we're all from fucking Earth. We all like sex, we all like love, and we are scared shitless of losing either of them. I'm in the unique position of never having had both, or either for a substantial time, so I'm not really scared of losing them. I have nothing to lose; this gives me a unique perspective.
Honestly, I am exhausted. Where is the other person who sees through the bullshit? Who I can just talk to? These amazing people always seem to be with the first person they can be with, and I'm stuck waiting for someone who works like me, but I don't have any evidence that this person actually exists. If only I could have one night stands, I could meet someone.
